A TIME TO CLOBBER: MY COMIC BOOK MANIFESTO EPSIODE TWO: REVISIONISM (IS) FOR DUMMIES

Let's see; where to start? Hmm...oh, I know; I'll squawk about funnybooks again. Last time, I talked a bit about revisionism in comics. Of course, I barely scratched the surface, as I only touched on Mr. Byrne and some of his more dastardly deeds.

Yes, the DICK-WAD (Byrne) DID INDEED TRASH The FF and SUPERMAN! However, he wasn't directly responsible for ALL of the change 'em and rearrange 'em re-craps in the comics biz, of the time. He merely set the trend. Sadly, there were MANY SICKENING "REVAMPS" in the 80s and 90s! I'll just briefly bring up two of them here.

One of the MOST DISGUSTING "RE-SCREW" jobs took place around 1989 or 90. (I'm fuzzy on the exact year, but that's not important.) I am, of course referring to the sad loss of one of my all time favorite SUPER GROUPS: THE LEGION OF SUPER-HEROES!!! Toward the end of the first Legion "Baxter" run, (to the youngsters out there, "Baxter" was a FORMAT, not a guy!;=) A story arc called "The Magic Wars" ushered in the HORRIFIC DARK AGE of the LSH, which sadly has endured until very recently. There have been a few more useless face lifts since then.

Thanks to the combined efforts of Keith Giffen, and Mr. & Mrs. Tom (& Mary) Bierbaum, a WONDERFUL SUPER GROUP was vanquished! In it's wake sprung a nightmare. Just to give you some idea of how insipid this "re-launch" was; I'll stir up a few sore memories. One thing I'll never forget is how atrocious the "art" (By Giffen) was! I mean; it was...well, let me put it this way...it was so UNBELIEVABLY AWFUL and INCOMPREHENSIBLE that the editors felt compelled to add a little play by play description box to the letters page (in each ish) to describe what the hell had taken place in the previous ish. The writing was no better. The happy couple managed to strip the once proud and colorful group of all of it's charm and appeal, (i.e. their costumes, personalities etc...)

You see; this was a product of the new and "improved" (darker) DC. Because dark was "IN" at the time, we couldn't have a group of teens in the future who wore gaudy garments and smiled and fought evil and were best friends and so on. Dusty old concepts like those were scoffed at by the clueless twits at DC. It was now "cool" to have a Legion in which Ultra Boy (WHOOPS, "that's a DUMB NAME, we should change it!") wears a Fonzie jacket! Yeah, that's "cool"! Screw those silly costumes! Jo Nah wears shades now! Wotta "cool" comic!

It would take FIFTY blogs to list the horrors visited upon the Legion and it's TRUE FANS! One of the worst bits was the whole "Vallor" debacle! BYRNE'S FUCKING FAULT, indirectly, because of what he did to the SUPERMAN mythos. That's right; Remember SUPERBOY? Anyway, no SUPERBOY = no Mon-EL origin! And, so, Lar Gand became (UGH!) "Vallor!!!" I won't bother to explain; after all, what have you ever done to me!

At any rate; The LSH that I had grown up (okay, AGED;-) with was gone. Up until the recent JSA/JLA Crossover, (and subsequent appearances) the REAL LEGION had not been seen since. It was certainly nice to see the old gang back in action (not as a back up)...sorry; DUMB joke! And if you actually GOT IT, then RAO HELP YOU, YOU'RE OLD!;=)

Another, and in many ways even MORE DISGUSTING TRAVESTY that was committed by DC in the early 90s was the HORRIBLE fallout from the HORRID mini-series called "Zero Hour" The destruction of Hal Jordan; The GREATEST GREEN LANTERN in the UNIVERSE!!! It was nothing short of SICK, perverting a great hero like Hal into an evil, city murdering, and ultimately Universe threatening villain! What were the asinine reasons behind it? 1. Hal was used as a tool to destroy the GL CORPS because the PANTS LOADS at DC wanted there to be ONLY ONE Green Lantern. Reason 2. To compound this appalling idiocy, and, to make matters even MORE REVOLTING, they replaced the GLs with the LOWEST OF THE LOW! The ABSOLUTE BOTTOM OF THE DC BARREL! One of (my) most HATED, characters of ALL TIME! That's right, friends: I MOTHER FUCKING HATE KYLE RAYNER!!! (EAT SHIT, Dan Jurgens and Ron Marz!!!) HATE, actually doesn't even BEGIN to cover it, but I think my point is made. I have heard that Alex Ross once said; (Paraphrasing here) "Now that I don't have to, I'll NEVER draw (or, perhaps it was PAINT) Kyle Rayner again!" While I have a lot of problems with Ross as a person, (based on things he's said) I do enjoy his work, and must admit to getting a bit of satisfaction from his words and his decision not to associate himself with that ABOMINABLE EXCUSE for a Green Lantern!

Okay, now you know HOW I feel about Kyle. You may be a bit fuzzy on the "WHY". That's fair. Without going too much farther into it; I'll simply say that my hatred for the character is really more rooted in my hatred for what he stands for. To me, he represents the assault by DC on one of it's all time great heroes, and concepts! Rayner was created for the express purpose of wiping out the the GL CORPS and replacing it with ONE GL! The GL CORPS is one of comics' all time GREATEST CONCEPTS and replacing them AND Hal, it's GREATEST MEMBER, was nothing short of DESPICABLE!!!

I'll even be nice here, and not go into what a horrid character Kyle is; suffice it to say, to all of you Kyle fans out there who are keeping up with current DC events; You are undoubtedly aware by now that Rayner was PARALLAX for a while!!!;-) Now, you know what it feels like to have a character that you love (for some stupid reason!) turned into an EVIL VILLAIN, AND I LOVED IT!!! Though; not as much as seeing him KILLED in BLACKEST NIGHT!!!;-) THANKS AGAIN, MR. JOHNS!!!

Okay, guess I've alienated enough people for now. Though, come to think of it; if anyone reading this IS actually a fan of the ERSATZ LEGION and or KYLE RAYNER, then I can't really force myself to give much of a crap! No hard feelings, ay?;-)

By fer now

TAKE CARE

BEN

A TIME TO CLOBBER: MY COMIC BOOK MANIFESTO: EPISODE ONE

The following is one of old myspace blogs. Just some of my basic views on comics.

COMIC BOOKS: I have been collecting these silly things for going on FOUR DECADES!!! (Yes, you'd think I'd have grown out of them by now!;=) Actually, after multitudinous attempts by various Marvel and DC editors to put me off of this wonderful art-form over the years, DC finally hit the target, and with their insipid "New 52!" and I now find myself frequenting the local comic shop less and less. m still hitting the comic shop every week, spending WAY TOO MUCH MONEY! Still, as long as there are trees on this pale blue orb we call Earth, I guess I'll STILL grab a new book, here and there. It's not as though I don't WANT more worth while comics to come out. It's just that the big two don't really cater to my demographic these days.

So; as I was saying: COMIC BOOKS! There are, contrary to popular belief, absolutes in life. But, LIFE is not the topic here. There are ALSO absolutes in comics! Well, at least for ME there are;-) To mention but a few of these truths': I'll start with the BIGGEST: JACK KIRBY IS GOD!!! He is, without a doubt, the SINGLE GREATEST CREATIVE FORCE IN THE HISTORY OF THIS MEDIUM! Of, course, Jack was above all else, a humble man, and as such, would have wanted me to add that there are many others who deserve a great deal of credit and indeed admiration for advancing this field!

So, in honor of Jack; I will now list the names of some of comic's greatest creators:

Gil Kane, Alex Raymond, Jerry Siegel & Joe Shuster, Bill Finger, Wil Eisner, Julius Schwartz, Alan Moore, Burne Hogarth, Joe Kubert, Bill Everett, Carl Bourgos, Steve Dittko, Gardner Fox, Neal Adams, Jim Steranko, Barry Winsdor Smith, Curt Swan, Wally Wood, Alex Toth, John Romita Sr., C. C. Beck, Otto Binder...to name a few. That was just a short list of GIANTS! There are, of course, a great many others who have done wonderful work.

When it comes to comics, I am, admittedly a bit on the "childish" side. That's not to denigrate comics as a "childish" medium. I'll leave that to the ignorant critics who never actually read them. Comics can tell all sorts of stories: Super-Heroes may dominate the racks in most comics shops, but this great art-form is nothing, if not versatile.

So, when I talk comics, it just so happens that I am mainly interested in the Super-Hero/fantasy genre. That's just ME. I love the fact that words & pictures can combine to tell so many different kinds of tales. I'm just more interested in myth, and the power of the human imagination. That's why I love these things so much.

What I meant by "childish" is simply this: I know it is looked down upon in this "enlightened" day and age, but I HATE change for the sake of, well, CHANGE! Of course, not all change is bad. That's not what I'm talking about here. To make my point, I'll go back to the first (or, at least WORST!) big "CHANGER" in the comics biz. John ("Nothing ever happened to SUPERMAN unless I SAY SO!") Byrne! I'm sorry, but I just HATE revisionist PRICKS like Byrne! He was the ORIGINAL, (UH, UN-ORIGINAL, that is) WORLD CHAMPION REVISIONIST JAGG-OFF OF ALL TIME!!! Byrne, oh, Byrne, oh how do I HATE THEE, let me COUNT THE WAYS...well, maybe another time.

Back on point, (well, sorta) I FUCKING HATE IT when TALENTLESS HACKS think they must re-write a character's history, change a character's costume, and OR make a character "go bad" all because they lack the ability (talent) to create a good story with what is already in front of them!

Byrne, and PUKES like him, have no qualms about screwing with characters that they DID NOT CREATE! (Like, SUPERMAN, FF, and Spider-Man, to name a few of Byrne's transgressions) Hey, if Kirby had done all kinds of crazy things with the FF, well, whether I liked it or not, HE CREATED THE FANTASTIC FOUR! They were HIS to do with whatever he liked! The fact that Marvel and Stan (The LYING MAN) Lee (HE'S a DIFFERENT BLOG ALTOGETHER!) screwed him out of the rights, doesn't change a THING (NO PUN...well...OK, YES PUN!;-) If Siegel & Shuster decided to crap on Superman, the way Byrne did, well, I may not like it, but at least Supes was THEIR FRIGGIN' CREATION!!!

Re-writing a character's history, or changing things just for the sake of changing things requires NO FUCKING TALENT! Anyone can do it! Just look at any Marvel or DC book right now. Although, I must admit that there seems to be a few writers out there who have an appreciation for the good stuff these days! (i.e.; Pre-Crisis DC!;=) Geoff Johns seems to like the classic stuff. He could walk up to me and whack me across the face with a baseball bat (I'm sure you'd ALL LOVE THAT ABOUT NOW!;-) and I'd still want to shake his hand; because he brought Hal Jordan back!

Well, where was I...oh, hell...looks like I lost focus a bit...happens when ya get old, mate. that's my excuse, and I'm sticking to it! I have MANY other strong beliefs about comics and such, and I shall return soon to spew them later. Are you actually still reading this? If you are, then, thanks! If not, well..wait, if you're NOT reading this...uh...well...oh, never mind...

TO BE CONTINUED...MAYBE...

TAKE CARE

MIKE