DREDDFUL 2D

Well; haven't blogged in a while; so, I guess I'll see if I can get back in the swing of things. So, what shall I do? Oh, I KNOW: how about a geek film review? Hmm, and which geek film shall I review? Oh, I GOT IT! I heard a while back that were going to make a film featuring a favorite comic character of mine; JUDGE DREDD! Let's go with that one! So, here we go; my return to blogging starts here and now with a review of the new film DREDD 3D (Or, 2D if you're like me; and didn't want to watch IT, or, ANYTHING ELSE in 3D EVER) Firstly; let me begin by giving you a bit of my background with the character of Judge Dredd. From approximately 1982 - 1985 there was a comic book shop called Southland Comics. The first of it's kind in Baton Rouge, Louisiana; and quite possibly in the gulf south. I helped the owner of this shop start up; and ran it for him for a few years. Southland actually started as a subscription service; and that's how I became involved in the business. I'll never forget; when I got my first order form; there were all of the standard Marvel and DC titles, of course. Also the Archie line, Gold Key, Charlton and so on. But, at the bottom of the form; were some strange titles I'd never heard of before. Elfquest? Cerebus? The Comic's Journal? What are those? Well; curiosity got the better of me; and I ordered this odd sounding thing called Cerebus; and The Comic's Journal (never really got into Elfquest; but, I had a lot of friends who did.) The Comics Journal blew me away! A magazine about COMICS! SHAZAM! I'd never even CONCEIVED of such a thing! And, Cerebus? And comic about an AARDVARK? A BRILLIANT one at that?!?!?!? My eyes were just being opened to a whole new world, and, I wasn't even flying on a magic carpet! Now; full disclosure; for those who don't know me; I WAS, BACK THEN AND AM STILL TO THIS DAY A HOPELESS SUPER-HERO JUNKIE! However; that didn't keep me from having me horizons broadened! This was just at the dawning of the Direct Sales market! The Renaissance, if you will, of the Alternative Comic Book market that flourished in the 1980's. Comics were about to see an era of creative prosperity that had not been seen since the Silver Age! What does all of this have to do with Judge Dredd? ONLY EVERYTHING! A few months after Southland opened it's doors; the owner had gotten the hair brained idea to order tons of these crazy looking, thin, wide, black and white trade paperbacks from a company called Titan. These albums contained reprints of comics characters I'd never heard of from a company I'd never heard of. All from an anthology series (2000 A.D.) from the UK that I HAD NEVER HEARD OF! Characters like Robo-Hunter, A.B.C. Warriors, Rouge Trooper, and Nemesis: The Warlock. Oh, and there was one other; he was called JUDGE DREDD! Well; even though I DID kind of like that off the wall B&W comic about the Aardvark; I was STILL way too immersed in mainstream comics to give these icky Brits the time of day! I'd pick up a Titan trade and flip through it and pretty much turn my nose up at it. This kind of thing just wasn't my bag, baby! Well; one day; after a few months of these books sitting on shelves, as if glued to them; the owner grabbed a handful and pretty much said "HOMEWORK!" I, of course; was OUTRAGED! He said; "TAKE SOME OF THESE HOME, AND READ THEM! You know EVERYTHING there is to know about all of the other product we have in the store; except these books! If you know what they are about; you can try and get the costumers interested in them!" It went something like that. Well; needless to say; I was less than enthused about this CHORE! But, he WAS the BOSS after all! So, I took ONE of the books home; and that night I decided to get it over with. And then; a funny thing happened; I read this book:

And; OH MY GOD!!! I was SO PISSED when I got to the end and realized that it was only part ONE!!! I couldn't WAIT to get to work the next day and read volume two of Judge Caligula!!! I had a new home; and it was MEGA CITY ONE!!! (even named my own comic show MEGA CITY COMICS when I open it in 1988;-) Anyway; I WAS HOOKED!!! I could NOT GET ENOUGH of JUDGE DREDD, Robo-Hunter, Rouge Trooper, Nemesis: The Warlock and others! I had to have all of the Titan albums!!!

The 2000 A.D. Comic itself, which I would soon get as many of as I could, was a weekly British publication that still runs today. And it would be years before Judge Dredd would achieve notoriety when Eagle Comics brought his reprinted adventures (in color) to the states.

After all; seemed a good fit; since Dredd's exploits take place here in the good ol' U.S. of A! Now; let's fast forward just a bit; to the mid 1990's. Sylvester Stallone makes his infamous Judge Dredd film. As a Dredd fan; you can probably guess that I found this movie mostly awful! "YO, ADRIAN, I AM THE LAW, YA KNOW!" Yes, Stallone was self cast and about as WELL CAST as....oh, I leave that up to you; make your own joke; it's just too easy, really. The biggest shame about the Stallone film (in edition to him taking his GODDAMN HELMET OFF every five minutes! (Something any Dredd fan will tell ya AIN'T COOL!!!) is NOT what they got WRONG: such as a miscast hero (and VILLAIN) and a crappy script! What kills me about the film is what they got RIGHT! The UNIFORM, for one thing!!!

DAMN! Such a WASTE! IT'S NEARLY PERFECT!!! Also; the overall look of the film, in terms of art direction and production design wasn't bad either. The Lawmaster (Dredd's bike) from the 90's film is pretty nice

The Lawgiver (Dredd's gun) was so-so. The Cursed Earth looked right; and the Angel Gang was almost spot on! Aside from these few pluses though, the movie was a sad missed opportunity! Fast forward again to 2012: DREDD (3D), starring Karl Urban is here.

Before I get this review under way (FINALLY, I'm sure you're saying!) let me just get this out of the way right now: Urban is a very good actor! He does a good job as Dredd, and LEAVES HIS BLOODY HELMET ON THE WHOLE FRIGGIN' TIME, so, points for that, Karl! It's just a shame his uniform is uninspiring, as is his Lawmaster! His Lawgiver is OK. But, just to speak to the aesthetics of the film for a bit; MEGA CITY ONE looks like; well; just any old modern day city! Not only doesn't it resemble the comic or the 90's film; it looks about as "futuristic" as....again; it just DOESN'T! I've heard some folks say there were budgetary concerns at play here. Well; if true; why bother to even MAKE a Dredd film? This thing looks like it was made in SQUALOR! ON PURPOSE! But, if it WAS due to a low budget, then I guess that explains a lot. As action films go; I guess this movie has it's moments; or, so I've heard said by others. Let me run though a few other things other than the budget that were low about this film while I've got ya here. Story: There is NOT MUCH OF ONE! Almost NONE, really! Hell, let me take a different tact; if I may! This blog is BY AND FOR GEEKS! So, I should have no compunction about speaking in geek! And, therefore; I will point out a few more things that were UN-DREDD LIKE about this film: NO HUMOR! Judge Dredd the comic; for my friends who don't know; was a satire. Filled with dark, ironic humor! There is NO TRACE of that nuance here! NONE! But, the absence of that KEY DREDD ELEMENT is made up for by relentless, repulsive in your face violence! Hey, when ya can't tell a compelling story with interesting characters, FUCK IT! IT'S 2012; BLOW SHIT UP IN SLOW MOTION! 3D. It's been trying to worm it's gimmicky little way into modern film for sometime now. You may say to that; "What do you MEAN "TRYING?" Well; I'm fully, PAINFULLY aware that 3D has been with us for a while; but, the fact that they are writing and directing films with 3D in mind now, as evidenced by "Dredd 3D" (and I'm sure others) is more than a little disturbing! You may ask how I know this if I watched it in 2D? Well; that's what is all the more disturbing about this pretentious, under produced blood bath! The movie's entire plot (and I GIVE it quite a BIT by calling it that) is geared towards a bunch of slow motion set pieces that I have no doubt are fully intended for 3D! That's right, boys and girls! The "story" was not meant to be a Judge Dredd adventure; rather to be a 3D thrill ride; filled with idiotic slow mo scenes of blood and guts images of violence slowed to a crawl so that you can really....uh, throw up, I guess! Believe me when I tell ya; I am NOT the squeamish type! But, I can tell when a gimmick is being worked into the "story" because the schlock peddlers of Hollyweird can't come up with any other way to suck their target demographic into the theaters for a 90 minute blood feast! The less said about the actual film the better. After all; I'm not in the spoiler biz. I'll simply say; this movie EPITOMIZES what is wrong with modern day cinema! There are few REDEEMING QUALITIES here! I know I am in the minority; and I have heard that so many who have seen the film have liked it. I'm not sure how many of them are long time Judge Dredd fans; but, I felt that as one of those, I should at least see it. And, now that I have; I am trying to ascertain just what it was about the film that appealed to them. For the Dredd fans; I speculate that it is simple relief that the subject matter was taken seriously. Which is true. To it's ultimate DETRIMENT, in my view. I think so many will say "At least it's better than that crappy Stallone movie!" Is it? I'm not so sure. The Stallone movie IS crap; and will NOT be defended here, by THIS Dredd fan! But, Dredd 3D (which, out of disdain, I shall forever refer to this film as) even LESS about the character of Judge Dredd than the Stallone fiasco! This new film is the typical modern day excursion into excess. Excessive violence and depravity and ugly dystopian images. All in glorious slow motion 3D for us to marvel at. If, you marvel at things like that. I can't say I do; but, hey, to each his own. As said, the fall back defense of this film, probably for the foreseeable future will be; "Well; it sure beats that Stallone crap from the 90's!" Yep; sure does! It BEATS IT, SHOOTS IT, STABS IT, BLASTS IT, PISSES ON IT, PUKES ON IT, CRAPS ON IT AND EVEN CALL'S IT DIRTY NAMES! All in GLORIOUS SLOW MO! Ah, I guess it's just sour grapes on my part because Dredd didn't say DROK in the movie! Either that; or, maybe seeing people skinned alive and dropped 200 floors to become street pizza just isn't the kind of fun it used to be! Oh, did I mention it was in GLORIOUS 3D SLOW MO? THANKS FOR PLAYING!